Periodically, I look at pictures of myself from my teens and early twenties and think, “What the heck was I doing?” The hairstyles, the outfits, the makeup attempts…smh. I’m not super hard on myself because I know that everyone (except Gen Z, apparently) has gone through that awkward stage. The one where you tried to achieve Beyoncé’s sleek and straight hairstyle, only to come out of the bathroom with greasy, dented hair. The one where your beauty routine consisted of Chapstick and Love Spell. The one where you didn’t realize that what you really needed was time, wisdom, and money to find your true sense of style. I thank God daily for the wisdom and disposable income that has enabled me to level up in every way.
I’ve been pondering on this for a while lately. I imagine that lots of other young women have struggled to find their femininity, their confidence, and their style, and that a lot of that struggle could be alleviated if they could just tap into some of that grown woman wisdom. I’m talking about the non-negotiables of womanhood, the rules and standards that keep us looking good and feeling great. So, I thought I’d share some of my favorites with you.
1.) Everything Can’t be a DIY project.
I know, I know. Lashes, eyebrows, facials, braids and nails cost a LOT of money. Like, a lot. Thankfully, there are so many ingenious girls and women across various social media platforms showing us how to take care of ourselves on the low low. What we have to keep in mind, though, is that some beauty treatments can be damaging and downright dangerous if not executed correctly, not to mention that some of us just don’t have the same skillset (**shrugs** sorry, sis).
With that in mind, do yourself a favor-- research the best of the best in your city, read her cancellation and refund policies, then schedule yourself an appointment. While you may be able to do it at home for much cheaper, you can have it done much better by a professional. I’ve tried to do so much from my little apartment bathroom-gel tips, eyebrow waxing, shape ups, braids, and more. I’ve been successful at a couple of things, there are just some things that I gotta leave to the pros. If you can’t afford it just yet, consider adopting a more natural, DIY friendly routine that you can easily maintain at home, or better yet, consider removing some of your beauty treatments from your budget all together. After all, what’s the point of looking good if you ain’t got no money??
Sidenote: While I want you to look good, I also want you to be healthy. We are in the middle of a pandemic, so please follow the CDC guidelines if you plan on visiting a salon or receiving some type of salon services.
2.) Let the Opportunities Come to You.
A few years ago, I was desperatelyseeking a new job. I was on Indeed every day, applying for anything that sounded relatively close to my skillset and experience. I was studying for interviews like I was studying for a college final. I didn’t have the money to buy sharp interview suits, so I ended up stressing about my outfits and feeling less confident. When I finally made it to these interviews, I asked the wrong questions and ignored the red flags. I would constantly say yes to things that internally, I didn’t agree with at all, but the potential of a larger salary and a more flexible schedule made me forget about my core values. When I look back on that time, it scares me to realize how willing I was to stretch myself so thin at the promise of something so insignificant. Not only did I do this in my career, but I also did this with friendships, love interests, and almost everything else.
This probably should have been number one because IT’S THAT IMPORTANT. Please, do not pursue anything or anyone from a place of desperation. BELIEVE that you will have AMPLE opportunities to live your life the way you’ve always dreamed of living it. Your life does not depend on one interview, one friendship, or one relationship, and anyone who tries to make you believe that is someone that you don’t want to be associated with anyway.
Learn, practice, and take smaller risks so that your confidence will grow. Eventually, the
right opportunities will come to you. Some magical way, you’ll be connected with the
director of that program you want to attend. You’ll meet the operations manager of that
company you’ve always wanted to work for. You best friend’s boss will gift her with two
tickets to that conference you’ve been saving for. TRUST ME, STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENS. So
trust yourself and have certainty about what’s to come.
3.) Repeat After Me: Nude, Seamless, Underwear.
I have so much to say about this one lol. I know that those 5 for $25 sales are alluring, but sis…where are you going with those striped, glittery draws on? Sure, you have on black tights, but as soon as you bend over, the whole world will see the word “PINK” stretching across your behind.
Listen. I want you to throw away all of those old, childish panties and get you some nude, seamless underwear. And I’m talking about the nude that matches yourcomplexion, not pale pink or beige (if that’s not your shade). I know it hasn’t always been easy to find these, but luckily, many brands are recognizing this and expanding their shade range. Nubian Skinis a wonderful lingerie line that caters to women of color. Jockeyis a more affordable brand that also offers diverse shades as well. Grab you a couple of pairs in several different cuts to start off with and just keep going.While you’re at it, grab you a couple of bras as well. Again, I cannot stress the importance of the seamless part. Nobody should know what type of underwear you have on.
Bonus Underwear Tip: Too often, I see women wearing sexy, plunging, one shoulder, cutoff,
cutout and sheer outfits that are RUINED because we can see your Playtex bra straps or
again, your underwear. Smh. If you’re gonna go all out, then do that! Either you free ball it
or wear the right undergarments. Have you ever seen an adhesive thong? Yep, adhesive.
What about rabbit ears? Not only do they provide coverage, but they also give you a lift
without the seams and lines of a bra. If those two things blew your mind, just know that
there are so many other undergarments out there that will elevate your style game, trust
me! (Maybe I should set up a little Amazon store. Hmm…)
This is getting long, so I’ll leave it here. From beauty to career to fashion, we covered some of
my top grown woman rules. Did you like them? Did you already know about them? What are
some of your favorites? Let me know in the comments below or head over to my Instagram
feed to comment on the post. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, and remember to live gently.