The Spring Equinox. Easter. Ramadan. Chinese New Year. Astrological New Year.
Last year, I realized that there are various cultural, spiritual, and religious traditions that commence around the same time of year. Most, if not all of these events emphasize feelings of renewal, peace, gratitude, and abundance. I can clearly remembering writing in my journal that next year, I wanted to participate in Lent. I wanted to sacrifice something--a habit, a thing--that was preventing me from reaching the next step in my spiritual life. I wanted to be more disciplined and more focused, and I knew that participating in Lent would help me do that.
Fast forward to February of 2024. I started seeing reminders of Lent, so I set a calendar reminder for February 14th--the official first day. At this point, I had a couple of ideas of what I could give up. Honestly, I was a being a bit arrogant about it--after all, I don't feel like I have many vices. I don't smoke, do drugs, or gamble. My diet is pretty good (although it could be better) and I'm not dependent on alcohol (but I do drink lol). In hindsight, I realize that even though I think I manage those things well, there was ample opportunity for me fast from them, but we'll talk about that more towards the end. After some careful and realistic deliberation lol, I made the grand decision to fast from Instagram.
Why Instagram?
On the first day of Lent, I wrote a journal entry detailing why I was giving up Instagram and what I wanted to get out of this experience. Essentially, I wanted to give it up for these reasons.
It's a time waster. I have spent countless hours combing through posts about food, hair, Beyonce, politics, and everything else. Afterwards, I always felt depleted, which upheld the scrolling cycle. I needed something lighter to boost me back up, which led to more scrolling.
Some people...are not smart. The frustrating (and sometimes scary) thing about social media is that you can create your own world, even if it's built on lies and delusion. On social media, you don't necessarily have to be truthful, just popular and/or attractive. Quite often, there's a lack of accountability and self-reflection and if you try to enforce any sense of morality, you get called a hater, or worse...OLD lol! I love reading the comments to gain perspective, but sometimes, there's no perspective to gain. There are certain corners of Instagram where everybody seems to be misinformed, and what's worse is that they know it and don't care. That troubled me deeply.
Too much watching and not enough doing. I believe that even if you are using Instagram for with the best intentions--to build community, to learn something, or to market yourself, you will still fall prey to it's mind numbing tactics. For example, I would go on there to find book recommendations, only to end up in a scroll session looking at books lol. I was trying to convince myself that I was doing a good thing, and that I would eventually get to the task. However, I never did. If you were following my IG stories from December to February, you can recall that it took me 3 months to read Will Smith's autobiography and I STILL DIDN'T FINISH. Like...it got so bad that I ran out of library renewals--they wanted their book back immediately.
There are sooo many other reasons, but I hope you get the gist. So on February 14th, I logged out of the app to embark on this six week journey.
The first couple of days were hard. Unintentionally, I'd constantly reach for my phone.
Watching a movie? Instagram.
Eating breakfast? Instagram.
Bored? Instagram.
Although I would try to open the app, I was reminded of the covenant I made when all I could see was the login page lol. After a few rounds of this, it finally sunk in that Instagram would not be a part of my world for the next few weeks.
So, what was there to do?
We all have that running "to-do" list where, if we only had enough time, we'd accomplish some wonderful and tremendous things. Mine consisted of reading more books, deep cleaning my apartment, getting back to writing, trying new recipes, and so on.
I think the first thing I did was watch a movie. You know, really watch it, without the distraction of scrolling. I made myself a quesadilla, poured me up a nice drink, turned off all the lights, and it was on! I genuinely had suchhh a good time, just enjoying my snacks and watching this movie. To be so present and connected with what I was doing and feeling was great, even if I was only watching a movie. But it wasn't just watching a movie. Moments like this one are the ones that make up the totality of our lives--we're just too busy watching others to realize it.
Another one of my most memorable activities was reading I Am Legend. I love the thriller and horror genres, whether I'm watching a movie or reading a book. If I can recall, I was trying to wanted to watch the movie, only to find that I had to pay lol. Instead, I went to Libby and found the book. To my pleasant surprise, it had great reviews, so I dove right in.
When I tell you I couldn't put it down, I couldn't put it down. It's such a well written book with such dynamic characters. It's very similar to the movie, but there are some major differences, at least in my opinion. I finished this book in record time, and I didn't have to extend any library holds lol.
My last favorite moment was when I made short rib tagliatelle.
I am a foodie forreal, and I've always been a fan of short ribs. A few weeks prior, I ordered short ribs at a local restaurant. Even though I'm an adventurous eater at restaurants, I'm not as adventurous at home. I make the same things over and over. What's easy? What's cheap? What's going to taste good? That's what inspires me at home.
One night, I got fed up and decided that I was going to make this. I was so intimidated because it had so many ingredients. Short ribs seemed to be fussy; you can't cook them fast AND they're kinda expensive. I brought most of the ingredients from the recipe, improvised with what I had, and got to cooking.
Because I wasn't on Instagram, I was able to really enjoy the process of cooking. I didn't feel rushed. I embraced the messiness of it all--cooking is messy and it's not going to be perfect! I was having fun, so much so that I decided to record several steps of the process. Maybe I'll edit that and post it. What started as a shaky cooking session ended as a beautiful and delicious masterpiece. As the kids say, that food slappeddddd (at least I think they still say that).
I was having so much fun until I realized that maybe I was having a little bit too much fun. Where was God in all of this lol?? Feeling guilty, I tried to hunker down and restart my daily devotional journal, but it was hard, which made me feel extra guilty. This was supposed to be about discipline and spiritual growth, yet here I was, making short rib pasta. Don't get me wrong, I was praying daily, talking to God throughout the day, and expressing gratitude, but that's what I always do. I needed to do more, and I felt like I was failing.
To top it off, I broke my fast and went on Instagram after four weeks.
What I realized was that many people only conduct business through social media. No website, no email address, just social media. I reallyyyy needed to get in touch with someone, and the most efficient way was through Instagram. Somehow, I convinced myself that if I logged on, went straight to her page and DM'd her, it would be fine.
It was not fine.
Logging on to Instagram after four weeks was like staring at the sun. I knew that I shouldn't have, but I couldn't turn away. It started off as 5 minutes. Then later, 10 minutes. 20 minutes the next morning. Although I began scrolling again, it was only in small increments.
I decided that I could redeem myself by regaining focus during Holy Week. I couldn't find any Palm leaves, but I did buy a palm tree. I was so excited and proud of it.
Now, I had every intention on having fish on Good Friday, but I forgot :( However, for Easter Sunday, I decided that I was going to dress up like my mom used to make us do. Me and my sister would have matching dresses. Our hair would be pressed and curled. We took lots of pictures. I wanted to create that feeling and honor that tradition, which you can see in the opening photo of this blog. I even debated watching The 10 Commandments, which my dad made us do every Easter. Although I didn't watch it lol, the day was full of love, family, reflection, and fulfillment.
Obviously, I didn't have the perfect Lent experience. I wasn't attending church. I didn't join a Bible study group. Lent isn't even in the Bible! Despite my shortcomings, I had several breakthroughs.
What if what you always do is good enough? Earlier, I mentioned that I felt guilty to sticking to my routine spiritual habits. However, towards the end of Lent, I felt that God was showing me that I have a lot of positive, healthy habits as it is. I just wasn't properly acknowledging them. Constant growth is admirable, but remember to reflect on where you came from every now and again.
What if God feels joy, simply because you feel joy? “...it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.” I started The Color Purple during Lent and a although I didn't finish it, that line stuck with me. So often, we equate faithfulness to God with suffering and strife. And while hardships undoubtedly bring us closer to God, joy and contentment can do the same. Any parent will tell you the immense joy they feel when their children are happy. God is no different.
God can use any moment to reveal something to you. Simply put, everything ain't gotta be a Burning Bush moment. Are you even prepared for something like that lol?? In fact, if you pay attention, you'll realize that God is in everything, and he can use everyday happenings to stretch and mold you. You just have to open your eyes.
If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen me post a story or two. I'm back, but not back back. Through Lent, I rediscovered a sense of peace and joy that I haven't felt in a long time, and I don't want it to slip away. Through Lent, I uncovered my true priorities and learned how to make the most of each day. I'm grateful, humbled, and forever changed by this experience, and I look forward to doing it again next year.