Now, more than ever, the practice of self-care has become vital to our monthly, weekly, and even daily routines. However, a lot of what we see being promoted isn’t really self-care. Instead, it’s simply self-soothing.
Never heard of self-soothing? Think about a child with an ear infection. Despite the parent’s best efforts, the child may still experience pain and discomfort. In an effort to self soothe, the child may cry, sleep more than often, or request their favorite snack. These things do not heal the infection, but they do offer a temporary distraction and a semblance of relief.
Now, think about yourself, sans ear infection. You may have recently experienced a traumatic event, which uncovered an uncomfortable emotion. Like the child, you start self-soothing—lashing out at friends and family, sleeping more than often, or requesting your favorite snack (either you have an ear infection, or you’re no different from a child). While these things may offer a temporary release of frustration, worry, or anger, they don’t address the root of the problem.
Self-care, on the other hand, is a routine effort to reach physical, mental, and spiritual wellness. While many self-care activities are enjoyable, many of them require us to tap into time, money, and emotion that we don’t think we have. Quite often, we know exactly what self-care looks like for us, whether it’s attending therapy, cancelling those streaming subscriptions, or going to church again. However, somewhere down the line, we convince ourselves (or let others convince us) that we don’t have what it takes to invest in our own wellbeing, so we go back to what’s easy and what feels good.
Despite how it may sound, self-soothing in itself is nothing to frown at. Sometimes, we need some wine, some dessert, some reality tv, or whatever it is to give us reprieve from the constant stress life throws our way. When we begin to adapt self-soothing as a permanent plan to wellness, however, our curiosity should begin to set in. Self-care requires a greater amount of discipline, commitment, and resources. It is a long term plan towards a long term problem. Although you may not see the fruits of your labor upfront, true self-care often yields the greatest rewards.
Self-soothing, on the other hand, can be exhilarating, relaxing, fun, and delicious. Immediately, you feel a rush of endorphins as you shop, eat at your favorite restaurant, or start the 2ndseason of thatshow. The inverse of self-care, the benefits of self-soothing usually run out quickly, revealing the more permanent consequences that it left behind (less money, extra weight, less time, etc.). Ashamed, frustrated, or discouraged by these consequences, we often begin another cycle of self-soothing to nurse the wounds of the last self-soothing session, which creates a cyclic effect.
If, after you read this, you realize that you’ve been self-soothing, it’s ok.As we continue to settle into who we are, we begin to recognize that our wellness needs have changed. Although we are growing into better people, it can be hard to break old routines and habits. Allow yourself to be introspective and have transparent moments at this time, causing you to reflect on your own feelings and goals. Next, take small action steps to more closely align with those feelings and goals. What could you do on a daily basis to be more organized? What could you do to maintain your health? Remember—these action steps will take away money, time, and other resources away from your self-soothing activities, but they will also lead you towards a healthier life.
So, the next time you’re not feeling 100%, ask yourself if you really need to bake a cake, or if you need to dust off those sneakers and head to the gym. Either way, trust yourself enough to know that you’re making the best decision for yourself in that moment.